Tell Me Why Read online

  “No, but I mean . . . well, look at you! Are guys seriously that blind?”

  She laughed in earnest now. “Oh, Caleb. I never said I didn’t have a boyfriend, only that I’d never slept with any of them.”

  I didn’t want to hear that either. It was amazing how fast jealousy reared its ugly head. This was a foreign sensation to me, and I wasn’t entirely sure I liked it.

  “So, I imagine you kissed all these guys?” This was like a train wreck. The words kept spilling out before I could stop them.

  She appeared to ponder this for a moment before she nodded. “Yep. Pretty sure I kissed all of them.”

  “How many is all, exactly?” Aliens had taken over my mouth and I couldn’t shut them up.

  “You want me to actually count them?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do.” Would someone please hit me with a friggin’ tranquilizer dart—like now?

  Holding up her hand, she began ticking away on her fingers. My nerves shot higher when she moved from one hand to the other and I felt my own clench in my lap.

  “Around ten, maybe. Give or take a few.” She shrugged nonchalantly, as if she didn’t see the volcano that was about to explode out the top of my head.

  “Ten? Really? And was that it?” I glanced around the room for some duct tape or something to stuff in my mouth.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like it was just kissing, no—”

  “Fondling or petting? Yeah, there was some of that too.” Oh, by all that was holy, I was going to need a list of names so I could kill people. How had I fallen down on my self-imposed watch so badly? I thought I’d been doing a fairly successful job of running guys off from both her and Jessi. Apparently not. The green monster inside me growled vehemently and I wondered if this was how girls I’d dated in the past felt.

  “So, spill it. How many have you slept with?” Once again, she threw me off guard.

  “That’s classified.” There was no way in hell I was telling her.

  “That many, huh?” She bit her lip.

  Clenching my teeth, I refused to reply; afraid some other awful question would jump from my throat.

  “Why don’t you want to tell me?”

  Swallowing, I groaned. “Because it’s awkward, and I don’t want you to hate me!”

  She laughed and glanced at me as if I were a child. “Caleb, you’re in a rock band. I’m not stupid. Do you think I never knew what was going on when your girlfriend would drag you into the bathroom after a show?”

  Images of the things Jen liked to do to me after Fringe had rocked the house, surfaced immediately. Heat flushed across my face and I realized, with surprise, I was embarrassed. I’d never known Anna was paying attention and I’d already begun to want her at that time. In fact, I used to close my eyes and imagine it was her mouth that was—my thoughts came to a screeching halt as I forced them in a new direction.

  “Are you hungry? Wanna get something to eat?” Beads of sweat were popping out on my forehead and I tried desperately to sidetrack her.

  “Answer the question, Caleb.” She folded her arms, waiting.

  “I don’t count them, Anna. What happens, happens.” This was true. I wasn’t the guy who spent his time carving notches in his headboard. “Some of those were girlfriends; and I was always faithful.” Physically faithful, I amended to myself. There were plenty of times Anna had taken center stage in my head.

  “Then give me a rough estimate.”

  “I don’t know,” I replied in frustration. “Twenty-five. Thirty?”

  She smiled. “Now was that so hard?”

  Was she kidding? “Yeah, it kinda was,” I felt like I’d gone through an interrogation and hung myself out to dry.

  Leaning forward, she lightly kissed my cheek, seeming completely unfazed by what I’d just told her. “My dad is a gynecologist, remember? Sex is discussed freely and openly in our house.”

  I’d forgotten that tidbit of information. It certainly explained why she appeared so calm.

  “He told me it’s always important to know the sexual history of someone I’m considering as a partner. I’m assuming you’re free of sexually transmitted diseases?”

  Dear Lord, take me now. I thought it couldn’t get worse. I was wrong. “The last I checked,” I answered with a sigh.

  “And when was that, exactly?”

  Shoot. Me. “Would you like my doctor to print you a complete medical history?” I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. This was the most bizarre conversation I’d ever had with a girl.

  “Have you ever been tested?” She blindsided me.

  Shaking my head, I ran a hand through my hair. “Never.”

  “Really?” She seemed completely surprised. “That’s not healthy, Caleb. Especially for how active you’ve been. We need to get that taken care of right away.”

  Groaning, I flopped backward onto the bed. “And how long will that take?”

  “About a week,” she responded matter-of-factly.

  “Are you kidding me? An entire week?”

  “Better safe than sorry, right?”

  Sighing heavily, I grabbed her, pulling her on top of me. “Fine. I’ll take the damn test. But you have to promise me one thing.”

  “What’s that?” she asked, her long hair sweeping forward to form a cocoon around our faces.

  “Promise me we’ll never have a conversation like this again.”

  She laughed heartily, clearly enjoying her tormenting. “Okay. I promise. At least until your tests come back. Then we’ll talk contraceptives.”

  I groaned loudly, dragging her face to mine and shoved my tongue into her mouth so she couldn’t speak anymore.

  Chapter Eight

  Anna-

  Whatcha doing?

  Shuffling my textbook so my teacher wouldn’t see me with my phone, I smiled as I read the text from Caleb.

  Learning about Shakespeare, I quickly wrote back. What R U doing?

  Only a few seconds passed before it vibrated again. Still trying to recover from our conversation last night.

  A small snort escaped me and the girl sitting to my right glanced at me with a scowl. I pretended not to notice. Sorry if I came on 2 strong. The joys of having a dad that looks @ “hoohas” 4 a living.

  Hoohas???

  Vajay-jays.

  ??? Never mind. I don’t want 2 know.

  Vaginas. U’ve seriously never heard it called that B4?

  I said I didn’t want 2 know!! I could almost imagine him laughing as he shook his head. Great job he has though, getting paid 2 look @ those all day.

  Okay, he’d shocked me with that comment. Was he really envious? Seriously??? I asked.

  Hahaha! No. Just trying to get U back for what U put me through last night.

  All right, he got me. I suppose I deserved that. Smiling, I wished I could see him right now. I wanted to hug him. What R UR plans 4 today? I added.

  Not much. Nap in between a couple loads of laundry. Washing my work shirts 4 next week.

  Well, at least U get 2 work with me 2 night! I was happy Caleb had a good job with steady work, but I hated that he worked nights at the bar. It made seeing each other nearly impossible, since I was in school all day. Thankfully, that wouldn’t last much longer.

  Working with U is always the highlight of my week. :)

  Sigh . . . He made feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Mine 2! I should let U sleep then, so UR rested 4 later, I replied.

  No, UR fine. I’m not home right now.

  Oh. Where R U?

  At the clinic waiting to be tested.

  This information surprised me. Really?? Haha. I didn’t think U’d do it right away. Apparently he was very eager to get things rolling. It made me feel good.

  I don’t want 2 wait 1 min longer than I have 2. Don’t U feel the same?

  Actually, I did; but truth be told, I was more than nervous to take that step. Jealousy wasn’t an issue for me since I’d convinced myself that it didn’t matter how many girls he
’d been with before. He didn’t know he was going to be with me when all that was happening, so it wasn’t like he’d cheated on me or anything. Life happened; and I couldn’t fault him for living his. However, that didn’t stop me from having a bit of performance anxiety. I wondered if he’d ever been with a virgin before, since he seemed so shocked when I told him I was one. Under normal circumstances, I would ask him outright. I wasn’t shy, but I wasn’t sure he could handle more of my prying after the STD inquisition. However, concern that I might end up being a bumbling idiot in bed plagued my mind. Obviously, I knew the general progression, but what if I wasn’t any good at it?

  I’m excited, I replied. Really, I was, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous, too.

  Good. Me 2.

  My teacher stood and began walking around the room, peering over students’ shoulders.

  Oops. Gotta go! I slid my phone out of sight as I continued to stare at my book as if I’d been intently reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream this whole time. The story was interesting, once one got past the language style. At times, I could almost imagine the words being fashioned into some sort of crazy song about fairies and magic. There was definitely something lyrical about it.

  Reading faithfully until the bell rang, I gathered my belongings, listening to the shuffle of other students hurrying to do the same around me.

  “Hey, Anna!” someone called as I stepped into the hall. Turning, I saw Stephanie Turley, the head cheerleader from the Varsity Squad, rushing toward me. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Sure,” She came into step beside me as we walked toward the senior math class we both shared. “What’s up?”

  Tossing her perfect blonde hair behind her shoulder, she cast a sympathetic glance my way. “Some of the girls and I were wondering about organizing a benefit in Jessi’s name. You know, something to maybe help her family defer funeral expenses and raise awareness about depression and suicide. What do you think?”

  A few seconds passed as I absorbed her words. “Actually, I’m a bit overwhelmed by your generosity. And upset for not thinking of something like this myself.” This was a wonderful gesture.

  She smiled widely, clearly pleased with my response. “Well, do you think Fringe would be willing to perform for it?”

  “I’ll have to ask the guys, but I can’t imagine them objecting for any reason. Can I have Caleb call you later to get more details? He’s usually the one who does our bookings.”

  “That would be perfect.” She quickly wrote her number down on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

  “Thanks for doing this,” I replied, returning her smile. “I think this is a really great idea. Hopefully it will all work out.”

  She shrugged. “We all want to help, somehow.” Her face grew somber. “Honestly, none of us even knew anything was going on with Jessi. We were totally shocked.”

  That empty ache I’d been living with since Jessi died flared up. “Sadly, none of us knew there was a problem. She didn’t leave a note either; so I’m guessing we will never know why.”

  Stephanie leaned forward, surprising me with a hug. “This must be so difficult for you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here, okay? You have my number now. Just give me a call.”

  “Thanks,” I said as the bell rang and we broke apart to take our assigned seats.

  During the class period, I found myself frequently glancing to where Stephanie was sitting. We’d always been friends, I guess, though we’d never really hung around together. Jessi was on the cheer squad with her and cheered at games on Friday nights while I was playing with the band at the club or other functions. Since she wasn’t old enough to get in to see us, she spent that time doing things with her “other” friends as I’d grown used to calling them. I found it kind of funny and sad that her two worlds never crossed until now. There was also a bit of relief inside me that no one else had noticed anything was wrong with her either. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one who had missed it.

  My phone buzzed again. Testing is done. Can U take the ferry over after school?

  Yes. Why? Do U miss me? I couldn’t help my smile.

  Dreadfully. I need 2 C U B4 R gig.

  Don’t U need 2 sleep? I didn’t want him to be too tired.

  Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it all figured out. Just get over here ASAP!

  Haha! Okay! I couldn’t wait to see him.

  ***

  This had to be the happiest place on earth. Wait . . . wasn’t that supposed to be Disneyland? Well, I hadn’t been to Disneyland since I was seven, but I was pretty sure it didn’t have anything on how it felt to be wrapped up in Caleb’s arms. He was like an amusement park, and I wanted to explore him for the rest of forever.

  The two of us were on his bed, enjoying a pretty intense make out session—hands and lips flying all over each other. His shirt was off and I trailed my fingers over the ridges of his abdomen, loving the feel of the hard bumps and grooves.

  “How often do you work out?” I asked in a breathless whisper when he moved from my mouth to my neck.

  “Every day,” he replied, his lips brushing against my skin as he trailed lower. “Have you told your parents about us yet?”

  “No, but I will.” He licked a sensitive spot and I moaned, arching beneath him. “I haven’t had time. They’ve both been pretty busy lately.” We’d been conversing this way for about an hour and I was pretty sure it was my new favorite form of communication.

  “Do you think they’ll be upset?” He moved lower to where he’d pushed my shirt up, nipping gently at my stomach. I sucked in a small gasp.

  “I doubt it,” I replied, trying to focus. “They love you.”

  He lifted his head, staring into my eyes. “They love me because I’ve always been the ‘big brother, out to protect you—not the guy who’s currently trying to seduce you.”

  “Is that what you’re trying to do?”

  “Yes.” He nodded with a sexy grin. “Is it working?”

  Lying, I shook my head. “I don’t think so. You’re gonna have to try harder.”

  Groaning loudly, he nestled his head against my bare stomach, ceasing the seductive kisses and wrapping his arms around me instead. “You don’t play nice.”

  “I play very nice,” I argued, as I ran my fingers through his dark, trendy hair.

  “Okay, then maybe you play too nice,” he responded, amending his previous statement.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing.” He scooted higher, resting his head on the pillow beside mine and dragged me the rest of the way into his arms, holding me tight. “I can’t wait for this week to be over,” he whispered into my hair, his hand skimming suggestively down my body, sending tingling sensations through me.

  “What happens next week?” I teased, doing my best to maintain a serious expression. He pulled away from me slightly so he could stare at me.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Frowning, he narrowed his eyes and didn’t look away as he waited for my reply.

  Staring innocently at him, I blinked several times. “Did I forget something?”

  Expression slackening, a blank look crossed his face as he reached back to rub the back of his head. “Well, I just assumed that after the test results you asked me to get came back, we would . . . I mean we’d . . .” He gestured over my body. “Well, you know.”

  “Have sex?” I asked, thoroughly enjoying this game. He groaned. “You can say the word you know. Sex. Sex. Sex. See how easy that is? Besides, who said we were going to have sex when the test results came back?” He was really starting to sweat it now, and it was all I could do to force back a giggle.

  “Why else would I get tested?” he asked in exasperation.

  “I wanted to make sure you’re still healthy after this life of debauchery you’ve been leading. Is it wrong for me to be concerned about your well being?”

  A growling noise escaped him. “Are you being serious, or are you messing with me? I can�
��t tell.”

  This time I did laugh. “What do you think?”

  “Honestly? I hope you’re joking.”

  “Why’s that? Are you feeling deprived?”

  Sliding his hand up, he cradled my face, cheek in his palm, thumb running over my lips. “I am feeling deprived,” he admitted, softly. “But not in the way you’re thinking. I don’t want to have sex with you.” He paused, making my heart fall. “I want to make love to you in every way possible. I want to talk to you, kiss you, hold you, and caress you. I want to be inside you and hear you calling my name. I want to go to sleep every night with you in my arms and wake up every morning the same way. I want to lock out the world and worship your body—on this bed, on the floor, on the countertop, on the couch, in the shower—I don’t care where. I want to be inside you everywhere, all the time.”

  Heat flooded my face at his sensual words, painting pictures in my mind I’d previously never truly dared to imagine. “How long have you felt this way?” I asked, hearing the tremor in my own voice.

  “Long enough to have been mentally unfaithful to the last several girls I’ve dated. It was always you in my mind when I was with them.” He gave a frustrated sigh. “And, I have to say, it’s caused me a lot of problems.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, completely shocked by his revelation.

  “Because I couldn’t. You were underage and I knew there were lines I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from crossing with you. I wanted you too much and it would’ve gotten me in a lot of trouble.”

  “But you never acted any different toward me,” I replied, my mind frantically searching for any clues I might have missed.

  “I couldn’t risk you knowing. If you had sensed the change, you would’ve come running to me. I knew you had a crush on me. I hid it well, except for when I looked at you. It was always in my eyes. Even Danica noticed and cautioned me about it. She told me to stay away from you, that you were too young.”

  This revelation was completely blowing my mind. “She doesn’t want us together?” I asked.

  He smiled slightly. “Of course she does. She simply wanted me to wait until you were a little older.”