Tell Me Why Read online

  “I can’t. There’s . . . extenuating circumstances.”

  “Like what?” He shifted so he was leaning on his knees.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  He looked offended. “Why not? We all tell each other everything.”

  “It was a promise I made to Jessi, okay? All I can say is if it gets out, it will mess up a whole bunch of lives.”

  He appeared to ponder this new information before speaking again. “So, don’t let it get out. If no one knows, then how can it stop you from having what you want?”

  Gritting my teeth, I glared at him. “Just let it go. It can’t happen.”

  “Fine.” He went back to the door, this time actually stepping through it before he turned around. “But you might want to think about this too. If you don’t claim Anna, someday someone else will. Can you handle watching that for the rest of your life?”

  Fresh pain tore through my heart at his words. “She’s better off without me,” I lied.

  Stix shook his head and closed the door behind him.

  The truth was that Anna wasn’t better off without me. No one knew her inside and out like I did. She’d even said herself that next to Jessi, I was her best friend. It was the perfect relationship to try and build a future on. And I loved her. I loved her like I believed no one else would ever love her. She’d be settling if she chose anyone other than me. But it was all a pipe dream now. I couldn’t see my way around it. If I chose to be with her, it meant I’d have to lie to her. She deserved the truth, and that was something I’d never be able to give her.

  My door burst open again and I growled as Riley stuck his head in. “Just wanted to let you know we are practicing in an hour,” he said, disappearing before I could reply.

  Shit. That meant I’d be seeing Anna. Glancing at my cell phone, I wondered if she’d tried to message me. I’d been keeping it off again, not wanting to give her the opportunity to reach me. My fingers itched to check it; but if she had messaged, I couldn’t deny receiving it, and if she hadn’t . . . well, what would that mean?

  Man up, I thought. Grabbing the phone, I turned it on. Text alert sounds filled the air as message after message was delivered. A quick look showed they were all from Anna. I quickly began reading through them:

  Sorry if I did something 2 upset U.

  R U ok?

  All right. I’ve let U have a whole day. Will u talk to me now?

  Caleb, I’m worried. I can’t come check on U right now. Please answer.

  Is UR phone off again?

  Stix says UR drunk. Explains a lot.

  I’m coming over.

  Scrambling to check when the last one had been sent, I saw it was only ten minutes ago. This must be the reason for the unplanned rehearsal. Groaning, I got up and dug some clean clothes from my drawer before heading to the shower.

  “Gonna be able to play, man?” Rick asked through a mouthful of food, as he appeared in my doorway. Grunting some unintelligible sound, I continued past him into my bathroom.

  The hot spray of water did wonders for me, almost making me feel half-way human after standing under it for roughly thirty minutes. Dressing quickly, I took a few minutes to shave, knowing my scruffy face would be a dead giveaway to how bad things had been for me since the last time I saw her. For whatever reason, I didn’t want Anna to know how much I’d really been suffering with everything. I knew she thought of me as some sort of hero—a protector even—I could see it in her eyes. It had been the same with Jessi and even Danica often looked at me that way. They were all wrong, of course. I wasn’t even close to being the person they thought I was.

  The apartment was quiet when I finally emerged from the bathroom, not a soul in sight. Figuring the guys must have already taken the elevator down to the basement for practice, I went into the bedroom to get my guitar and amp. Shock filled me when I saw Anna sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bed. I came to an abrupt halt, staring at her.

  She patted a spot beside her. “Have a seat.”

  Glancing over my shoulder toward the door, I cleared my throat. “I was just grabbing my stuff. The guys must’ve already gone downstairs.”

  “Actually, they went to get dinner,” she replied, her warm dark eyes boring into me, as if she were trying to connect with my soul somehow.

  “I thought we were practicing.” Man, I forgot how beautiful she was. How was that possible? I loved the way her dark hair cascaded loosely down past her shoulders. My fingers itched to run through it.

  “No, this is an intervention actually.” She gestured again to the spot next to her.

  “An intervention?” I was completely confused now. “Intervention for what?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Let’s call it the ‘Save Caleb’s Liver Campaign’ for the moment. How long do you intend to keep drinking like this?”

  I shrugged carelessly. “Oh, I don’t know. Until I’m numb, I guess.”

  “How’s that working for you?” Her eyes never left mine and it made me feel uncomfortable, as if she could already see the secrets I was hiding. I looked away.

  “Honestly? Not so great.” Scrubbing a hand over my face, I busied myself tossing my dirty clothes into my hamper.

  “So why keep at it?” Her voice was kind and laced with concern, not at all condescending. It reminded me of why I loved her. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t see a way to keep that from happening.

  “Listen, Anna. I know you’re worried, but there’s honestly nothing anyone can do. This is something I need to work through for myself.”

  “We’re all hurting, Caleb. All of us. We all loved Jessi.”

  I sighed. “I’m not trying to be insensitive to anyone else who’s grieving, but there are things the rest of you don’t know.”

  “Then share them with us. Let us help you work through them.” It all seemed so easy to her . . . I could see it in her hopeful expression.

  “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

  “Why not?” Hurt crossed her features, causing her brow to furrow and her lips to turn down slightly at the corners.

  “I just can’t.”

  She moved from the bed, coming to place her hands on my chest and my heart rate accelerated, even though I didn’t want it to. “Is this about that kiss? Is it me, in particular, you’re afraid to talk to?”

  I couldn’t think with her hands on me. It made me long to grab her, toss her on my bed and show her exactly how she could help me forget everything but her. I wanted to lose myself in her kisses, feel myself inside her body.

  “I’m not afraid to talk to you,” I replied, swallowing thickly. “I’m afraid of what I’ll do if I’m with you too long.”

  Something flared in her eyes. “What are you afraid of doing?” She stepped closer and I wondered if she could feel my heart racing beneath her palms.

  “I’m worried I’ll hurt you.”

  “Caleb, stop. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” Leaning in toward me, I could feel her breath on my chest, filtering through my V-necked t-shirt. Everything in my body tightened.

  I snorted. “You’re a baby, barely old enough to even know how to take care of yourself.”

  Her lips lightly brushed the fabric. “We both know you don’t think of me as a baby.” Laying her head against me, she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I know things are hard on you right now, but I don’t care. I miss you when you’re away; and when you kissed me the other day, it was a dream come true for me. I want you to keep kissing me, Caleb. I don’t care if you can’t share your secrets yet. Keep them until you feel you can, just please don’t abandon me now. I need you.”

  My body shook with need as I bent down and scooped her off her feet, carrying her back to my bed.

  Chapter Seven

  Caleb-

  My lips were attached to hers before we even hit the mattress and suddenly it was as if everything inside me had broken free. I didn’t care about anything but her; and it was exactly what I wanted and needed—t
o lose myself completely.

  “Anna,” I moaned her name as I trailed my mouth over her skin, sinking against her neck, licking and sucking. Hands trailing lower, I fumbled with locating the hem of her shirt, my hand slipping beneath. Soft, silky skin met my fingers and I couldn’t help the groan that escaped me as I moved higher, wishing all her clothes would magically disappear so I could see everything, touch everything.

  Her hands locked around my neck, dragging me back to her mouth and I responded eagerly, plunging my tongue inside. She tasted so sweet, much better than anything I’d tasted lately, yet I found myself feeling nearly as drunk—but with passion, instead of alcohol.

  Surprise flooded me when she pushed me away, holding me back at arm’s length. “We have to stop, Caleb,” she said breathlessly.

  “Why?” I asked; dread filling me as I waited for her answer.

  “I lied,” she replied a bit sheepishly and grimaced.

  I set back on my knees. “Lied? About what?” Maybe I’d read everything all wrong. Maybe she didn’t want to be here.

  “About the guys. They didn’t go to dinner. They’re in the basement waiting for us to come practice.”

  A frustrated sigh escaped me and I shook my head. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

  “Because I knew you’d use it as an excuse not to talk to me. I couldn’t take the silence between us anymore.”

  “Anna, I’m sorry. I’ve been a jerk and you’ve been forced to take the brunt of it. I haven’t intentionally been trying to hurt you. Things have just been confusing for me right now.” Memories of Jessi and why I’d chosen to avoid Anna pricked at my conscience.

  “You know you can tell me anything, right?” The sympathy and concern were back in her eyes.

  “Maybe someday,” I replied, knowing it was a lie. I’d never tell her what was tearing me apart inside.

  “That’s good enough for me.”

  Instantly, the guilt stabbed at me stronger. I simply nodded.

  The sound of the front door opening interrupted us and I climbed off the bed as Rick appeared.

  “Um . . . You two gonna join us any time soon?” he asked, glancing back and forth between us.

  “We were just about to head down,” Anna replied with a smile, climbing off the bed. “I needed to have a small talk with Caleb real quick first.”

  Rick grinned as he stared between the bed and me. “Talking. Is that what they’re calling it these days, bro?” He arched an eyebrow before turning to head out again, his chuckle echoing back.

  Glancing at Anna, I saw she was blushing furiously. “You ready for this? You know he’ll tell the others. They’re going to tease us unmercifully.”

  “What is this, exactly?”

  Sighing, I ran my hands through my longish hair, considering what I could actually commit to at the moment. “This,” I paused, “is an experiment.”

  “An experiment?” She looked confused, her brow furrowing. “What kind of experiment?”

  Moving closer, I reached for her hand and pulled her against me. “I want to see if love really can conquer all.” My lips lightly brushed her forehead as she formed an “oh” with her mouth.

  “Wait! Did you just admit that you lo—”

  Cutting her off by placing my finger over her mouth, I realized I’d revealed too much. “Shhhh. Let’s just take it one day at a time for now, shall we? There’s no reason to rush.”

  Eyes sparkling, she nodded and threw her arms around me, hugging tightly.

  Happiness—the first I’d really felt in days—sparked to life inside me. Laughing, I untangled myself from her. “Anna, sweetheart, if we don’t go now, we aren’t going to make it out the door.”

  “That’s fine by me.” She smiled wickedly.

  “Until all the guys show up to see where we are.” I reminded her with a wink.

  “Hmm. That’s true. I guess we will have to finish our talk later.”

  I laughed again, twice in as many minutes. Things were looking up. “Oh, I plan on talking to you a lot.”

  “Loads of conversations,” she added with a snicker.

  “Entire speeches” I picked up my guitar and amp.

  A wistful sounding sigh escaped her. “I can’t wait.”

  Neither could I.

  ***

  The grin wouldn’t leave my face and the guys were starting to exchange knowing glances between themselves; but I couldn’t bring myself to care. My initial plan had been to play it cool, pretend as if nothing had happened. That flew right out the window. I’d spent the last hour acting like an untried teenage boy aching for his first lay. It didn’t help that I actually felt like one too.

  Every time I looked at Anna, listening to her belt her heart out, body swaying rhythmically to the music, I remembered the way she felt beneath me. I wanted her there again. She belonged there. I could barely focus on what I was playing as I envisioned scenarios like asking her to move in with me when she graduated in a couple of weeks. I wondered what her parents would think about that. They both liked me, but my role had always been that of an older brother. I snorted softly. So much for taking things slow. I’d gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. If I wasn’t going to deny myself everything, then I wanted it all. This had to be love. I’d never felt this way about a girl, ever.

  A twist of guilt stabbed me in the gut again. I hated keeping things from Anna; but I didn’t want to hurt her anymore either. Maybe that’s my key to salvation, I rationalized. I’m not lying to her. I’m protecting her.

  “Right there,” Riley spoke up, stopping the rehearsal before I could analyze my idea any further. “Something isn’t jiving in that measure—like the drum cadence is a bit faster than the guitars. Do you hear it, Caleb?”

  “Oh, he’s hearing something all right,” Rick muttered under his breath. “But I doubt it’s that.”

  Stix chuckled. “Having a little trouble keeping your head out of your pants today, McCord?”

  Anna’s brow furrowed as she stared between us, clueless as to why I was getting ribbed.

  “Let’s play it again from the first of the stanza,” I responded, attempting to focus. “Only this time slower.” Snapping my fingers methodically, Stix picked up the tempo as the other instruments filtered in.

  “It’s right there,” Anna spoke up loudly. “There’s one too many drum beats. It should be like this.” She started clapping as she sang. “Something beautiful . . . We could be.”

  She was spot on to the error and Stix quickly adjusted his timing, playing it through twice to get it right, before we continued on.

  “I think the new song sounds great,” Rick said when we were finished. “The chicks are gonna dig it.”

  “Maybe one of them will want something beautiful with me,” Stix joked, twirling his sticks and drumming out a punch line cadence.

  Riley snorted. “Like you need any more women crawling into your bed. You can’t fit all the ones you currently have in there.”

  “Hey, now! Lay off!” Stix complained with a grin. “Besides, we all know Caleb is the one with a line outside his door . . .” Trailing off, he glanced at Anna with a horrified look.

  “Hey, Anna,” I said, trying to distract her before Stix’s words could sink in. “Can you carry my guitar back to the loft for me while I grab my amp and cord?” I shot Stix a quelling look and he shrugged apologetically.

  “Sure,” she replied, oddly quiet as she took it, not making eye contact. She didn’t wait for me either; instead walking over and pushing the button for the elevator. It arrived almost immediately and she boarded.

  “What the hell was that?” I growled after she was gone, rounding on Stix.

  “I’m sorry, dude. Really. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “That’s obvious,” I fumed as I wound my cord around my elbow and through my hand.

  “Look, Caleb,” Rick broke in. “While we’re all excited you and Anna are hooking up, it’s still new for us. It’s gonna take some getting used to.”
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  Frustrated, I sighed. “I get that. Just try not to ruin it for me before it even gets the chance to really start. I’m fighting an uphill battle with this as it is.”

  “What do you mean?” Riley asked.

  “Nothing.” Grabbing my amp, I headed toward the elevator before pausing. “I’m gonna have Anna in my room for a bit tonight. I’d appreciate it if you all could make yourselves scarce and not disturb us.”

  I waited for the teasing and catcalls, but wisely, not a word was said. Pushing the button for the elevator to come back down to the basement, I stepped on as soon as the doors opened.

  “Enjoy your talk,” Stix shouted after me with a grin right as the doors swooshed closed. Laughter followed as I began moving upward and I shook my head.

  Entering the loft, I didn’t see Anna anywhere. Heading to my bedroom, I found her sitting cross-legged on my bed, once again, my guitar hanging neatly from the hook on the wall.

  “You sounded really great tonight,” I complimented her, as I set the amp down and closed the door.

  “How many girls have you slept with?” she asked, catching me completely off guard.

  Another frustrated sigh escaped me and I sat on the bed next to her. “It’s been my experience these kinds of questions never lead to good things.” Girls get jealous when they hear about previous girls. It wasn’t the way I wanted to start things off.

  “If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t ask. I’ve always believed couples should be able to talk to each other about anything.”

  So, she thought of us as a couple. That was awesome; but I still hesitated to answer her question. “How many guys have you slept with?” This really was something I did not want to know, but I thought it might help for her to see how it felt having the tables turned.

  “None.” She didn’t look fazed at all.

  Damn. I wasn’t expecting that. “Seriously? You’ve never . . .”

  “Had sex?” she finished my sentence casually, as if she talked about this kind of stuff every day. “No. I haven’t.”

  “Wow.” I locked gazes with her. “I had no idea.”

  She gave a slight laugh. “Why? Did you think I was the school slut or something?”