Tell Me Why Read online

  “Really?” I was surprised.

  “Have you ridden on it?”

  “Yep. The guy that asked me to homecoming took me there with him and a bunch of other kids. We all crammed into the car together.”

  Frowning, Caleb glanced at the Ferris Wheel as if it had betrayed him somehow. “Maybe we should go somewhere else.”

  “No. I want to go with you. It’ll be special. Besides, when I went before, it was dark. Now we will be able to see the view.”

  Before long we had our tickets and we were sitting in a car by ourselves, sharing a bag of pink cotton candy. The Ferris Wheel slowly rotated as other people were loaded into other cars and soon we stopped on the very top.

  “There was only one reason I brought you here,” Caleb said, leaning toward me.

  Licking remnants of cotton candy from my lips, I stared back at him. “Really? Why’s that?”

  “Because, I wanted to kiss you at the top.” His lips descended and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. The sweet flavor of his mouth mingled with mine and I closed my eyes, sighing into him. This was so romantic. The Wheel began turning in earnest now, giving the car a slight jolt, causing us both to start laughing as we automatically reached out, trying to find something to stabilize ourselves.

  “I love you,” I said automatically, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I was pretty sure I was blushing as well.

  “I love hearing you say you love me,” he replied with a grin, moving in for another kiss.

  Sliding my arms around him, I giggled against his mouth.

  “What?” he asked, breaking away slightly, the sunlight hitting his eyes, and bringing out every shade of blue inside them.

  “We’re missing the view,” I teased, unable to look away. He was gorgeous—both inside and out. Sometimes I still had to pinch myself, unable to believe he wanted me. I knew he’d been a player in the past, but things were different between us. Our friendship made our relationship something more. Besides, I trusted him with everything I had inside me. He’d never let me down.

  “I’m not missing anything,” he replied, his gaze never leaving me. “I like the view I have just fine.”

  He kissed me again, and I found myself smiling through it. In spite of all that had happened lately, Caleb made me feel so happy, so loved.

  He gave me hope for the future.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Anna-

  Scents from the large bouquet of tulips in my arms kept catching on the small breeze and wafting around us. Caleb had insisted on buying me a bunch when he saw me admiring the wild splashes of color as we strolled, hand and hand, through Pike’s Place Market. I wasn’t about to refuse him. They were beautiful. I only wished they could live forever as a tribute to the time we’d spent together.

  After the Ferris Wheel, he’d taken me to see a romantic comedy at one of the nearby theaters, where we’d shared a small bag of popcorn. It was hard for me to pay attention to the screen, however, since Caleb insisted on constantly nibbling at my neck and ear—not that I was complaining.

  Casting a golden hue over the water, the sun was beginning to take its dip over the horizon as we walked back to the loft. It wouldn’t be long before we would need to start getting ready for tonight. My stomach suddenly growled, reminding me that popcorn and cotton candy wasn’t going to sustain me for the rest of the evening.

  “Do you wanna stop at that little sub place by the ferry and get some dinner?” I asked. “My treat.”

  Caleb shrugged noncommittally. “I dunno. I’m pretty sure we have something we can eat at the house.”

  “Really?” I teased. “You boys have been buying something besides alcohol to go in your fridge?” Even though I was joking, I was partially serious too. Because of the time I’d spent at the loft, it seemed the refrigerator was better named the beer cooler than a food holder. These guys spent ninety-nine percent of the time surviving on take out and alcohol, according to their trashcan.

  “We’re full of surprises like that,” Caleb replied with a laugh, appearing unoffended by my ribbing. “Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my girl starve?”

  I laughed. “I’m capable of cooking a meal myself, you know.”

  “I do know that. I love it when you cook for me. Some of your mom’s skill has rubbed off on you, I think.” He squeezed my shoulders gently. “Your mom is pretty awesome. Your dad too, for that matter.”

  Smiling, I nodded. “I have to agree. I couldn’t have been born into a better family.”

  We walked in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “Your parents are some of the few, rare examples that really make me believe in marriage.”

  His comment caught me by surprise. “Seriously?” I’d never heard him talk like this.

  “Well, my parents certainly haven’t been the poster children for it,” he said wryly. “My real mom ran off with another guy—not that I blame her, entirely, for that. My dad is a piece of work. And he and Danica . . . ,” He let the sentence trail off, not needing to explain any further.

  “So, you’re not a big fan of marriage I take it?” For some reason, my heart fell slightly at his words. Despite how loving he was to me, he seemed very jaded when it came to the big picture.

  “Oh, I’m sure I could be a fan, if it was with the right person. But, I think the next logical step for me would be to ask someone to move in with me first, just to see how things work out. I’d want them to have a chance to try me out and make sure I’m what they really wanted.”

  “Makes sense,” I replied, feeling downcast and a bit jealous at the way he described this mystery someone. I wasn’t even going to lie to myself. I wanted it to be me. Maybe this was more of a fling for him, but I really couldn’t imagine him leading me on that way. Maybe he didn’t want to take a chance on ruining our lifetime of friendship.

  “Do you think you’d ever be willing to do something like that?” he asked, and my heart started racing. What was he saying?

  “Something like what? Living with someone before I was married?”

  He nodded, glancing down at me.

  “I’ve never really thought about it before now. I suppose so, if I was really in love with them. I mean, my parents lived together for a year before they got married. It seems to have worked well for them. Why?”

  “Just wondering.” He smiled. Dropping his arm away from me, he stepped ahead to open the door to his apartment building, ushering me inside and into a waiting elevator.

  “I’ve had a great time with you today.”

  “Not bad for an impromptu first date, was it?” He grinned widely, hugging me to him as he kissed the top of my head.

  “Not bad at all. I may even consider going out with you again, if you ask nice.” We stepped off the elevator onto his floor and walked to the door.

  “You’re talking about our next date and we haven’t even finished our first one yet.”

  Opening the door, we stepped inside and my attention was immediately riveted on the dining room table. It was covered with a red tablecloth and two flickering taper candles in the center, an empty vase, with a small amount of water, strategically set between them. Two plates, with disposable napkins, sat on either side of the table and soft rock music played in the background.

  Caleb hurried over to the oven and pulled out a pizza box. “Bon appetite!” he said, sliding the box onto the counter. He looked very pleased with himself.

  “You little sneak! You’ve been texting with the guys all this time, haven’t you?”

  “Yes,” he replied, sheepishly, removing the flowers from my arms and depositing them into the vase. “I hope pizza is okay. By the time I thought of doing this, it was the best I could do on short notice.”

  “It’s perfect!” I exclaimed, my stomach growling in agreement. I was quite delighted with this surprise.

  “Sorry we don’t have a whole lot of time to enjoy it before we have to get ready.” He apologized.

&n
bsp; “Don’t worry.” Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, dragging him closer. “It’s perfect.” Searching his eyes, I smiled. “You’re perfect too.”

  “No, I’m not,” he said seriously. “I’m just a guy who’s in love with you.” Bending the rest of the way down, his lips met mine and he kissed me thoroughly.

  ***

  The thick letter was waiting for me on the table when I got home from school the next day. I knew immediately what it was.

  “Looks like you’ve heard back from the admissions office at Cal State,” my mom said, stepping from the kitchen and watching me eyeing the envelope. “Are you going to open it or stare at it all day?”

  Nerves shook me as I carefully tore it open and started reading the cover page.

  “Dear Annalisa Vasquez,

  Thank you for your application to attend California State University, Northridge. We are please to inform you that you’ve been accepted into our music program . . . ,”

  My mom’s squeal interrupted me as she hurried over to hug me. “Baby, I’m so excited for you. I know that’s supposed to be a really good school.”

  “Thanks, Mom. But I’ve already kind of decided to stay here at UW. The band is here and I want to keep singing with them. And Caleb is here too.”

  “I know. I figured you’d say as much; and your dad and I have no problem with that, either. We simply want you to continue your education, wherever it may be. I’m excited you have choices now. It’s about time someone recognized how talented my daughter is! I often wish your grandpa were still alive. He’d love to know he passed his musical talent on to you.”

  “I miss him and Grandma,” I said with a nostalgic sigh. Even though he’d died when I was fairly young, I still had very fond memories of my “Papa.” Our family wasn’t overly religious, but we did believe in God and an afterlife. I liked to imagine Papa and Grandma were happily reunited somewhere and watching over us.

  “So do I, sweetie. So do I.”

  “I really hate death,” I said with a sigh. “Why do people have to die? Why can’t we all exist forever, living happily together?”

  “I don’t know.” Concern filled my mom’s face as she stared at me, brushing a hand over my cheek. “I know things have been terribly rough for you lately. I’ve been worried about you and Caleb both. How’re you holding up?”

  “Not so great. I keep having nightmares about Jessi. And I still find myself picking up my phone to text her, and then I remember she’s gone. Every time I see a girl with blond hair like hers, I find myself trying to pretend it’s her and imagine that everything is okay again.”

  She hugged me. “Oh, honey. I wish there was some way I could take this all away from you. I miss her too.”

  Tears leaked from my eyes. “I want to know why she did it. Why? There had to be a reason. And why didn’t she tell any of us about it? It doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “It’s obvious Jessi wasn’t in her right mind, Anna. Sometimes people do crazy things when they get like that. But, I agree with you. I hate knowing she was silently suffering too.”

  “How do I make it stop hurting?” I asked, resting my head on her shoulder.

  “It won’t ever stop hurting, I’m afraid. But, maybe it would help if you focused on your happy memories of her, when she was alive, instead of fixating on her death so much.” She stroked my hair softly. “I often wonder if she really knew the damage she’d leave behind, if she would’ve gone through with it. It’s been hard to watch you and see what’s happening to Caleb and Danica. They’ve both suffered so much because of her decision.”

  “Caleb texted me today, at school. He told me they moved her to a mental health facility. How long do you think she’ll be there?”

  She shook her head, dropping her arms away from me. “I don’t know. Right now she can’t seem to grasp reality. There were moments when I was with her, yesterday, where she almost seemed lucid; but then she would start asking where Jessi was. I don’t think her mind can handle the truth. It shut down to protect her.”

  “Has Hank tried to come see her?” I followed her into the kitchen, noting the delicious smells coming from the oven.

  “No. But I think Caleb made it pretty clear to him that he wasn’t welcome there.”

  “He did?” I asked, shocked. “When did this happen? He didn’t mention it to me.”

  “This morning. Caleb called him from the hospital to fill him in on what had been going on. Hank didn’t seem to care too much. They had quite the shouting match on the phone and Caleb had to go outside to finish the call so he wouldn’t upset Danica.”

  Sighing heavily, I shook my head. “He hates his dad so much. I can’t even imagine what that’s like.”

  “It has never been a good relationship, that’s for sure. I don’t think I’ve ever seen animosity like that between a father and son before.”

  “I wish I had time to go see him tonight before he goes to work, but I have a ton of homework I need to do.” Irritation flooded through me. I was glad graduation was almost here. I was ready to be done with high school and move on with my life.

  “Why don’t you go give him a call and check on him? I’m sure he’d appreciate hearing your voice. He’s had a rough day.”

  I glanced at the clock. “He’s probably sleeping right now. I’ll send him a text and tell him to call me when he wakes up. He needs the rest. Thanks for all you and Dad have done to help him out, Mom.”

  “Any time, sweetie. He’s like our kid too. We love him.”

  Smiling softly, I nodded. “So do I.”

  “I know,” she added. “And he loves you. Just keep being there for him. Things are tough right now, but you’ll both get through it; I promise.”

  I hoped she was right.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Caleb-

  It sucks that I’m the bartender tonight, I thought, as I dried the glasses, stacking them for easy access when we got busy. I’d much rather be on the other side of the bar after today.

  Weariness seeped through me, as if someone had pulled a plug in the bottom of my feet and all my emotion and energy had swirled out down the drain. Danica wasn’t any better; my dad was still an ass, and then, hearing Anna say she’d been accepted to a great school in California, hadn’t done me any good either.

  Anna had become everything to me; I was smart enough to recognize that. Like a preserver in a swelling sea, I’d taken to hanging onto her for my very life. She was the one bright ray of hope in my world of madness.

  And you don’t deserve her. My inner voice chastised again, but I shoved it quickly down. I was lying to Anna to protect her. Surely that outweighed my deceitfulness.

  Lying wasn’t something I was a stranger to. I’d lied to myself and to past girlfriends regarding my feelings for Anna for a while. My conscience pricked at me now, though, because Anna was special. She was the one person I never wanted to lie to. The truth be told, I wished, at times, I could tell her everything. My heart was being torn to pieces and my personal grief over Jessi’s death went far beyond what anyone else knew. There was no one I could talk to about it. Yes, I knew drinking wasn’t going to fix anything, but her personal betrayal toward me, the one thing no one knew about, was slowly eating me away. Drinking jumbled all those thoughts into a whirl of oblivion. It numbed me—if only for a short while—and made my pain bearable.

  Except for when I was with Anna. Being with her made me dream of happy futures filled with beautiful moments. I trusted her, knowing she always had my best interests at heart. She was everything I ever wanted.

  A shapely blonde sat down at the bar. “Can I get a vodka and cranberry juice, Caleb?” I recognized her immediately as having been here before. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember her name; but I definitely remembered the way she’d dragged me into the cleaning closet and how her plump lips felt around my—.

  Yanking my thoughts back to the present, I smiled. “Sure thing. How are you tonight?”

  �
��Great, I hope,” she replied, biting at her lower lip.

  Glancing around, it was still early enough that the bar was basically dead; and I found myself wishing there were more patrons. There was no doubt in my mind she was here for a repeat performance. If there was one thing I’d learned well in my line of work, it was how to read a horny woman. One look at her ultra short, low cut red dress and spiked heels revealed plenty. She wanted to be noticed tonight.

  It was no secret I liked women; and, in the past, I never turned down the opportunity for a little action—unless I had a steady girlfriend that I was really into. Physically, I always tried to be faithful to whomever I was with; but mentally, Anna had been on my mind a lot. Things were different now though.

  As I mixed the drink, I found myself trying to figure out a way to keep this from becoming an awkward situation. There was no way I’d ever cheat on Anna—physically or mentally. She was everything I’d ever wanted and I was already walking the wire of deception with her. I definitely wasn’t going to consider anything else that would mess it up.

  “Here you go,” I said with a smile, setting the drink in front of her. “Do you want to pay as you go or run a tab?” I asked, grabbing a towel to wipe away a few wet spots.

  “Oh, I think I’ll stay for a bit; so run me a tab,” she answered with a wink, wrapping her bright red lips around the small straw as she looked me over hungrily. “How’ve you been?”

  “Pretty great,” I answered. No one wanted to hear the bartender’s problems. Customers simply wanted to spill their own.

  “Really?” She smiled as she twirled a piece of her wavy hair around her fingers. “And what’s got you in such a great mood?”

  Here was the perfect opening I needed. “That would be my amazing new girlfriend.” I responded with a grin. “She rocks my world.”

  Score. Her face fell. “Oh, that’s cool.” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out she didn’t mean a word of it. “So, are you two pretty serious then?” And there was attempt number two, digging to see if I’d be willing to cheat.